Samamtha's 1st day of school (on the bus)

Dearest Samantha,

This letter may not be age-appropriate, but maybe someday you'll understand the message.

Again, I'm trying to write down my feelings about you heading to school. My previous attempts just haven't conveyed the message I want to give you on this day. I was overwhelmed watching you get on the bus this morning, knowing it wasn't rational (or realistic) to keep you in the house forever and forget school entirely.

You are now at school, your very first day! You are about to eat lunch and just thinking that thought is causing so many emotions for me that I'm having a hard time sorting them out. You are out in the world and every experience involves you more in that world. While it's jarring to me how fast you're maturing, I'm so proud of you because your attitude is wonderful. You seem ready and eager to embrace the outside world, come what may.

Samantha - you are smart, capable, kind and independent. You love adventure, you're articulate and know how to face your fears. I love seeing those qualities in you. The only thing in the world that will hold you back is yourself. Keep focusing on seeing the good around you - in people, in nature and especially whatever situation you find yourself in. Don't ignore the badness you find, just don't be a part of it. Don't be afraid to stand up against negativity - just know that not everyone wants to be positive. Some people are okay with being unhappy. You can only change or control yourself. It takes enormous courage to walk a path of your own design and be positive. Take some time to look at yourself objectively and ensure you are comfortable with you and wherever you are in life. Remember to take care of you - it's not anyone else's job (including your dad and me).

I've started teaching you about controlling your emotions and I'm already impressed. My lesson is really just being aware of when you're approaching that flash point of anger that can result in doing or saying something you regret later. Maybe you'll remember us talking about the flashing light people should have above their heads, warning others to stay away until the storm passes. We've used the analogy many times, as when I've told you that I'm frustrated and heading towards anger if you don't listen to me. There are consequences to not heeding the warning. My hope is that you've seen my example and will apply it to yourself. There is no escape from powerless feelings like grief and anger, but you can learn to control how you react to them and how long you feel that way. Trust me on this - if I can learn it, you can too!

The world is yours and I'm truly honored to be your mom. I love you so much!

Love,

Momma