I'll admit that I've been struggling lately. Not necessarily depression, just feeling overwhelmed and that I haven't been living to my full potential. I am not afraid to ask for help either. Thankfully I've got a wonderful husband and friends who usually gently say what I need to hear. I'm so grateful for the life I have.
Samantha and Sofia are my greatest motivations to pushing myself to live a full life in most aspects. I bask in my daughter's joy, teach them to cope with difficulties and appreciate every moment of it. Ok, most moments. I'm not perfect. I get upset over little things, yell when I should listen, or retreat into my head. The list could go on and on. So I have a choice. I choose to learn from my mistakes and try to grow so I don't continue a pattern. Life is chaotic. That probably won't change and if it does, I will adapt. And the reasons I make that choice every day are named Sofia and Samantha.
That's how being a parent has changed me. I still fight through the obstacles I have to because I am the mother to two fabulous daughters who will grow into two fabulous women (if I am so lucky, as I take nothing for granted.) and I need them to know it can be done. I want them to have full lives because being open to experiences is the purest freedom I've felt and because accepting love as you receive it is being vulnerable and open. It is the hardest thing for me to admit, since I act like life is a giant to-do list at times, but I'm working on it. I'll never be done either, but every once in awhile I can look back with a proud sense of accomplishment and it's a blessing.
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