Fighting without cruelty is good

Tonight was frustrating for everyone in the house. One moment everyone was fine and the next we were crabby. I'm not entirely sure why, but we all struggled. Maybe it's as simple as we were all tired from the weekend. The kids were low on energy for listening and the parents were frustrated by the lack of listening. Usually I give warnings before I yell (as does Daddy) and today was no exception. The problem was that the kids didn't "hear", i.e. listen to the warning, so the girls looked at me like I was a lunatic.

The true discussion started when Samantha said she wished she could have a better family and a better life. (I stayed calm and didn't take it personally.) I explained that sometimes arguments are good. As long as you're not trying to be cruel, fighting (i.e. airing of the grievances) is healthy. Say what you need to say and move on. (Example: I'm frustrated that you're doing a puzzle with Sofie when I wanted to play store with her.) It's not possible for everyone to be happy all the time. Life just doesn't work that way. The trick is to know why you're not happy so you can deal with it. I told her that I loved her and that will never change no matter how angry she and I get. I reminded her that I'm not perfect and that I'm doing the best I can. I also told her she's not perfect. What matters is that tomorrow is a new day and we can choose to be respectful and listen to each other.

Our goal in parenting is simple - raise our kids to handle the real world. The world where people are cranky at times and happy others. Where some people are just mean and you never know why. (It's usually a safe assumption in those cases that it's not about you.) The world where your parents love you, but won't read bedtime stories when you hit them repeatedly with a stuffed animal after they say it's time to stop hitting. The reality is there are consequences and as parents, Daddy and I don't hide that. We are trying to teach them that no one in the world is perfect, so don't try - just do your best and be okay with that. You can choose your path and you must walk it.

Despite the irritations of the evening, I think we succeeded in making it a teachable moment and showed we will all still love each other in the morning.